Investing in Somalian Pirates (You can try this at home)


Followed a meme about investing in Pirates and actually found out a way to

meme for reference:

I was intrigued.

So like any true autist I knew I had to find a way to throw my money at this. Everyone laughed at me and told me to eat rocks. Everyone fuckin laughed. Until now:

Part 1: DD

Pirate attacks per year are at an ALL TIME LOW.

I instantly realized after seeing this that big business and the government don't consider pirates real threats anymore. There are cargo ships parked all over the damn place just waiting for a pirate with the RPG I bought him to take. This was my first confirmation bias. Which is why I knew I had to find a way to buy in.

I then turned to the only place I knew that could help me find out more about how to invest in the next Benjamin Hornigold:

It didn't work. However, after a few more days of digging around googling autistic keywords, I found it:

Found my Hornigold


Disclaimer before I go any further: You might be thinking to yourself, "wow what a prick. Who would invest and give guns to people who you pretty much know are going to use them on other humans? What kind of sick person would do such a thing?"

To that I say 1) fuck off and 2) this is GOOD FOR THE ENVIROMENT:

So – with the ethics/DD taken care of, I began my Journey to find a way to get some pirates invested in.

Part 2: Actually finding the pirate stonk exchange

Not gonna lie – this was a pain in the ass. Turns out, the only way to actually invest in pirates is to give them the money/guns physically. My Wendy's check didn't give me enough for an air plane ticket and to invest so instead I decided to just buy the RPGs and send em out to them.

I got in contact with a guy who called himself '3 leg' off a site im pretty sure I cant post on here and sent him an email asking if they had any stock I could buy in their pirate crew (and how many shares I would get for sending over an RPG).

I made sure to translate it into somali too.

After some time he got back to me:

So, I bought 3 RPG-7's from places unknown and sent them off to Jowlo Road.

It has currently been about 5 months now since I sent the original 3 RPG's. The only contact I have received from 3 leg was some weird email in Somali:

Part 3: Current Day

So here we are, almost 6 months down the line – no money left in my bank account and no word from 3 leg. I'm starting to think something might have happened to them while they were out at sea and am worried. 3 leg, from what I knew, was a pretty stand up guy. He replied fast to my emails and was quick to send me an address. It makes me think the RPG's might not have been enough. I am saving up currently to make a trip out to Hardaheere (the town he lives in) to make sure they are okay and to hopefully find the tendieman too. Will report back if I make any headway.

Positions: 1 share GME, 1 FIS JAN 2022 210c, 3 RPG-7 military grade unmarked, 46 RPG-7 ammunition

Obligatory Rockets: 🚀🚀🚀🚀🚀🚀🚀🚀🚀🚀🚀🚀🚀🚀🚀🚀🚀🚀🚀🚀🚀🚀🚀🚀

P.S when is paper trading competition? out of $$$

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